How to Pray

Text: Philippians 1:3–11

I want to talk today about praying. I’m going to talk about ways we might pray. And also about things that get in the way of praying. And I’m going to start with Paul’s prayers in his letter to the Philippians.

Paul is enthusiastic, a word which mean infused by the spirit. He writes to the church he started in Philippi. Even though Paul is in prison when he writes this letter, he tells his readers that he is full of joy. More exactly, he says he is constantly praying with joy in every one of his prayers for them.

What is Paul doing? When we hear that Paul is praying for joy, what do we imagine? That he is kneeling by his bedside prison? Or that he stands with his arms raised? Or his head lowered? Does he pray out loud, or quietly? It doesn’t matter, I suspect. But what does Paul mean for his readers—for us—to think when we hear that he prays? Is he doing something different than just thinking about the Philippians? Could he say “every time I think of you, I’m filled with joy?” It is not the same, is it?

For many, praying is the same thing as wishing for something, or asking for it. The jargon word for that is petitionary prayer. You are petitioning God for some outcome, just as you would petition the court for a favorable judgment. Please bring world peace and please let the Patriots win and please let me find a parking spot are all petitions to a being who can make things happen, no matter how likely. It is also the kind of prayer that Paul prays later in the letter, when he says “My prayer is that your love may overflow.” Paul is asking for something.

It is the kind of prayer children are first taught (after meal grace). Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. When I was a child I was told that Amen meant “let it be so,” which is a petition tacked onto a petition. (But Amen, as Jesus used it, just means “truly.” It is an emphatic punctuation mark. Maybe we should translate it “you bet!” or “for sure!”)

But there are other kinds of prayer. A friend of mine says that there are only three basic prayers: Thanks, Wow, and Please. Prayers, in other words, of gratitude, prayers of awe or worship, and prayers of petition. My friend is partly right, but he leaves out an important kind of prayer, which I’ll get to later. His three prayers have us doing the talking, which is not the whole story.

When we do do the talking, we pray to ask or pray to tell. To ask something from God or to tell God something. I’d like today to say six things about prayer. You can think of them as opportunities of prayer. Or possibilities. Or tips. Six tips for praying. Or just observations. The first three are about asking for things.

Number one: Pray for what you want. Do not be too polite. Do not worry about what other people pray for. Do not worry about whether what you want is OK to want. Praying to God is not a performance or an assignment. It is not for anyone else’s benefit. You do not have to be worried about whether you are praying for something embarrassing. Or something trivial. Or something way too grand.

Number two, a corollary of number one: Pray for things of all sizes. Pray for little things. Pray that you win the lottery. Pray for nice weather for your picnic. Pray that you do well in the 10K race. If that is what you want, pray for it. And pray for big things. Pray for world peace and an end to war. Pray that your friend will get better and recover. Pray that your marriage will always be filled with joy. Do not think that the small stuff is beneath God’s notice or that the large stuff is beyond God’s power.

Number three, which enables numbers one and two: Do not edit your prayers before you pray them. Your job is to do the asking. God’s job is hear you and respond. Do not anticipate what God will do and therefore modify your prayer before it even gets out of your mouth. How do you know what is pleasing to God’s ears? As good as it is to be humble, God does not demand your humility in prayer. You do not have to protect God’s sensibilities. God can take it. Ask truthfully.

If the first three tips are about asking God for something, the next three are about telling God things. Paul’s prayers about his joy in the Philippians are prayers of declaration. God, Paul says, I am really happy about the church people in Philippi.

Tip number four: Pray about the ordinary day to day things that are happening in your life. Tell God what’s up, how you are feeling, what’s happening at the moment. Make small informative prayers. It sounds a little like Twitter, I guess. Divine Twitter. Tell God that you are unhappy with that guy who just turned left in front of you. Tell God that you are worried about the meeting you are about to attend. Tell God that you are really enjoying this fresh mozzarella and tomato sandwich. Do not worry about boring God. Little prayers like this remind you that you and God are connected.

Number five: Pray quietly and also pray loudly. There is no special tone of voice with which you must pray. Pray in silent meditation, pray when singing hymns, pray in loud alleluias. Come to the altar and whisper your prayers to God. Or stand in your room or come in to church someday in the middle of the week and yell your prayer out, if that’s what you need to do. No one has to hear you but God.

And number six: Speak your mind. If you are grateful, say thank you. If you are confused, tell God so. If you think it is stupid to pray, tell God that, too. Be watchful for the times you think: “I cannot pray that.” Those are times and the things you most need to pray for. If you are angry, tell God you are mad. If you are disappointed, tell God that.

A summary of these six tips is this: when you are doing the talking, ask for anything. tell God everything, and do it boldly.

But prayer is not all about talking to God. Prayer is a conversation with God. There are two beings involved, you and God. Sometimes you talk—asking and telling—and sometimes you listen.

So the last tip is this: Wait. I do not mean wait for your prayer to be answered. Not to wait for your petition to be granted or denied or your declaration to be acknowledged. Conversations are not transactions, with God any more than they are with people. Not everything we say in a conversation needs or gets a response.

I mean be in a state of waiting. Be wait-ful, if there were such a word. There are times when quiet waiting is the right thing in a conversation. When there is perhaps much to be said, but not said right this minute. Or maybe nothing to be said, as with two friends sitting across the table from one another after a big day. It is not just waiting idly, but waiting expectantly.

The vision statement of the New England Synod of which we are a part recently had as its motto: Pray Unceasingly. And Paul says he is praying constantly. This does not work if prayer is a like a series of messages, like emails, that you send to God. No one can do that unceasingly. But if by praying constantly you mean that you are ready to engage in a conversation, that you are ready to say something when you have something to say and ready to listen when you are ready to hear and ready to just sit with God when that’s all that you and God need to do—when you are ready to do that without being too self-consciousness and nervous and therefore rehearsing the whole conversation ahead of time to get it just right—then you can.

Prayer is one of the spiritual practices. That means, first, that is is something we do, part of the life of faith. And second, that it is a skill that changes and gets better as we do it. And finally, that it is something that both benefits our spirit and is guided by God’s Holy Spirit. When we pray, we do not pray alone. We pray with enthusiasm, infused by the spirit.

The Lord be with you. Let us pray. For sure.